DEALING WITH YOUR UNCONSCIOUS

In this section you are going to continue looking at the little ‘voice’ and some of its more common tactics and learn how you can be ready to take control when it tries to convince you that you need to smoke.

What you are going to do now is to look in some depth at the little ‘voice’ and prepare yourself for the battle that will begin within a couple of hours of stopping smoking. Actually, your little ‘voice’ will now know of your intentions to stop smoking and will already be trying to put obstacles in your way! You may, for instance, have had thoughts while reading this book along the lines of “I’ll read this section now, but I won’t stop until the end of the month in order that the information can sink in.” Or perhaps “Oh dear, I don’t like the thought of all this self-analysis stuff, perhaps I should just try nicotine patches instead. Yeah, that’s it, I’ll buy a supply at the end of the month.”

Again, if you listen to this little ‘voice’ you are doomed to failure. The only realistic way of stopping smoking is to put this little ‘voice’ in its place by agreeing to pay the price of some discomfort, making a resolution to stop smoking straight away, stopping, and finally, staying stopped, no matter what happens.

Here is an analogy from my own life that helps to illustrate the effectiveness of carrying on with a resolution in spite of feeling discomfort:

When I was running a charity in Belfast for recovering addicts, we regularly entered the Belfast / Dublin Maracycle, a two hundred mile cycle over two days. At the forty mile point in this cycle there is a mountain to cross, and one stretch of road by the name of Newry Hill, is very steep and climbs for about two miles. Each of the first three years that I’d participated, I had simply cycled about a quarter of the way up this hill, got off my bike and walked up the rest. On the fourth year my good friend Arty Magill called me aside at the start of the Maracycle and said to me:

“I know how you can get up Newry hill!”

“ Oh really?” I replied with more than a modicum of disbelief. “Yes,” he replied “When you reach the bottom of the hill, keep pedaling and no matter what happens, don’t stop until you get to the top.”

Now as you might imagine I was, at first, none too impressed with this pearl of wisdom. However, when I actually took the time to think clearly about what he meant, I discovered that his advice was pretty much faultless.

Cycling that hill was certainly well within my physical capability because, although I was not particularly fit, I was a young and reasonably strong man and, in the previous years, I had observed the majority of participants successfully tackle this hill, and this included many pensioners! When I thought about this a bit more I realised that the real problem was that on previous occasions I had used my discomfort (tired legs, a bright red face and panting lungs) as an excuse to stop and walk. In brief, I had not agreed to pay the price of some discomfort to achieve this goal, so when the chips where down I simply gave up. On this forth occasion, however after Artys’ little chat, I decided that when I reached Newry Hill I would pay the price and keep pedaling no matter what. What actually happened was that I cycled up that hill with no real difficulty at all. In fact I stood on the pedals and sprinted the second half of it, having
realised that it was nowhere near as bad as I had let it become in my imagination. This simple advice turned my whole experience of this hill around. I have since adapted it to many situations where I knew for certain that if I determinedly and resolutely followed one specific course of action then it would end with a specific result.

You could, in fact, use this simple method alone to stop smoking, after all, you know for certain that if you don’t smoke a cigarette, no matter how uncomfortable you feel, then eventually all your withdrawal symptoms would disappear and sooner or later you would become a symptom
free non smoker. This is exactly the course of action that you will be following, except you will be equipped with all the tools you will need to help make your journey a much more tolerable and comfortable one!

Right, now back to the little ‘voice’:

The first thing you need to know is that this ‘voice’ is not going to sound any different to you than your normal everyday thoughts. That being the case, how then can you tell if it is your conscious or unconscious mind that is producing your thoughts? Well, the answer is quite simple. You made a conscious decision to stop smoking. There is never, ever, going to be a valid reason to reverse this decision, therefore, any thoughts that you have in relation to smoking again must be ones deliberately generated by your unconscious in the form of the little ‘voice’, in order that you may avoid feeling pain or discomfort. So, all you have to do is to notice if you are making any excuse at all to start smoking again and, if you are, you can be sure it is your little ‘voice’ that is responsible.

Simple eh?

I would like you to look at the list below of some of the more common justifications for starting smoking again, many of which you may well experience. I will also give you examples of how to answer these negative thoughts, and with a little practice you will find that recognising and dealing with this little ‘voice’ can become quite easy. These are some of the most commonly experienced thoughts that can lead to relapse:

1 “I’ll just have this one and then I’ll stop again.”

This is by far the most often used excuse in order to alleviate the discomfort of withdrawal. Unfortunately, it almost always results in the permanent resumption of smoking because once nicotine has been reintroduced to your system, it is like starting back at square one again. The cravings after this one cigarette will return to being as strong as when you first stopped smoking, and the little ‘voice’ will have all of its original determination. In this situation it is all too easy to delude yourself into agreeing that you may as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb. Even this process of failure is usually split into stages in order to lessen the blow to your ego. For example, you may start by telling yourself that you will “just have the one smoke” and then you may change that to

“just smoking for the rest of the day” and then “until the end of the week”, by which time of course you will have little or no resolve left at all. No, the only way to avoid this trap is this:

Or even one drag of a cigarette, for any reason at all.

So, when you hear this little ‘voice’ telling you to “take just one”, (and believe me, you will) have your reply ready “No - it is not worth it, it will almost certainly lead to my failure.”

2 “ I feel like I am going to pieces, I will stop some other time.”

This, too, is a common ‘justification’ and leads to the failure of many. First of all, stopping at “some other time” is likely to feel just as uncomfortable as it does now, and, therefore, you are simply deluding yourself in order to avoid this present discomfort. Secondly, it is highly unlikely that you will “fall to pieces” and it is very likely that if you sit tight through this period you will find that it will pass quite quickly - remember the saying used by addicts the world over:

“This too, shall pass.” Finally, remember that you did agree to pay the price of some discomfort in order to achieve your goal of becoming a non smoker. This short term discomfort is in reality, a very small price to pay.

When you hear your ‘little voice’ telling you that you are falling apart and that you will stop some other time reply:

“There is no other time that will be better than now. I am simply going through a temporary rough patch, and it will pass”

3 “I have had a terrible day at work, I will have a smoke.”

No matter how bad things were at work smoking is never going to make them any better. You already know that whether or not you are a smoker you are always going to encounter some bad days - that’s life, and there is simply no avoiding this fact. It is unrealistic to imagine that taking a cigarette will change anything, other than changing you from being a successful non smoker into a smoking failure. When you hear the little voice telling you that you deserve a smoke after such a hard day, reply:

“No, I know that life is sometimes hard and this is just one of those days. I will not smoke because smoking will not solve anything and, in fact, it will probably make me feel like a failure. This day is OK, because no matter what else has happened, I haven’t smoked and that makes me both strong and successful.”

4 “I am angry and I am taking it out on my kids and husband, they don’t deserve this. I am going to smoke.

What they really don’t deserve is to be visiting you in hospital, dying from some smoking related illness. They don’t deserve to be subjected to passive smoking and your children don’t deserve to be given the role model that smoking is OK. If your concern is really for your family then the fact that they might have to tolerate you being grumpy for a short while is of little consequence. When you hear the little voice telling you that your family are suffering, reply:

“This is a short term situation, they will suffer far more in the long run if I start smoking again.”

5 “I am putting on too much weight. If I start smoking again my
weight will return to normal.”

Because this is an excuse frequently used by people to start smoking again (particularly women) the next section of this book concentrates on stopping smoking without gaining weight. There is no reason at all to gain weight if you do not want to. Even if you do not follow the advice for maintaining your current weight, you will probably find that any weight gain is temporary and that after a few months your weight will return to normal. As compared to the benefits of stopping smoking, this whole business of potential weight gain should be regarded as a fairly minor and totally manageable affair.

When you hear the little ‘voice’ telling you that smoking is the solution to any weight gain reply:
“No, this weight gain is temporary and I can avoid weight gain by following the advice given in this section.”

6 “I’ll only smoke when I’m out in the pub with my friends.”

This is an area where you need to be particularly on your guard.

Once you have consumed even a little alcohol your original resolve will be reduced enormously and the little ‘voice’ will immediately take advantage of your weakened condition. Many, many, ex smokers start smoking again when they go to the pub, or take a few drinks at home. There is also a direct correlation between how much you drink and how likely you are to start smoking again - the more drinks the greater the risk of relapse. It is very important to emphasise here the link between drinking alcohol and resuming smoking. Every time you go to the pub or take a few drinks you are putting yourself in a potential relapse situation. There are, of course, things that you can do in order to reduce this risk. You could simply stop drinking for as long as it takes for you to be certain that you are not at risk of smoking again.

So strong is the link between drinking alcohol and smoking that temporary total abstinence is the course of action that I recommend. However, I do realise that this might, for some of you, seem like a mammoth task to undertake in addition to not smoking. So if you feel that you really do have to drink or go to pubs, there are still things that you can do in order to minimise the risk of starting smoking again:

You could stay of alcohol for the first two weeks.

You could drink less frequently than normal.

You could go to the pub and drink soft drinks for a few weeks.

You could drink less alcohol each time you go out. (Or in the home.)

You could ask your social partners to encourage you not to smoke when you are out.

You could ask your partner or a good friend to phone you when you are out to check on your progress and offer you support.

Remember, all of these actions are temporary. Soon enough, usually within a couple of months, you will be strong enough to handle most situations without this high level of support, and without smoking. So, if your little ‘voice’ tells you to smoke when you are socialising with a few drinks, reply:

“No, I don’t need to smoke in order to socialise and if I don’t smoke now, then soon enough I won’t miss smoking at all.”

7 “Oh, I don’t give a damn, I am going to smoke and to hell with the consequences.”

Perhaps this little tactic should have been mentioned at the very beginning of this list. Without doubt it is the one thought that sooner or later you are going to encounter. This is the most powerful of all the weapons in your little ‘voice’s’ armoury. Your unconscious knows that if you start to think about whether or not you should smoke, (particularly now that you are now in possession of all the information in this book) then you are almost certainly going to come to the decision to stick it out and not smoke.

So what does your little ‘voice’ do then? Easy - if your new found knowledge leads you to decide not to smoke then your unconscious tricks you into not accessing this knowledge. You are told by it to disregard everything you know in order that you make a bad decision - a decision
based not at all on logic but purely on feeling. Simplified, it goes like this:

“ I am in pain, a smoke will take away my pain, don’t think about anything else, just take a smoke.”

This tactic is a real killer and you need to be particularly aware of it in order to stand a good chance of defeating it. When you hear your mind thinking anything along the “I don’t care” lines, then be ready to respond. Tell yourself:

“ I might not feel like I care right now, but this is a temporary feeling. Smoking now would ruin everything. I realise that the little ‘voice’ is trying to get me and I will not give in to it!”
There are going to be many situations where your little ‘voice’ will try to get to you, and the real secret of defeating it is to regard it as your worst enemy.

Approach this whole affair as though it is a personal battle between you and this little ‘voice’, and that your life depends on you defeating it. The reality is that in many ways your life does depend on you succeeding. You may find it extremely helpful to think of this little voice as someone you know and who you really don’t like. Imagine that every time you hear it trying to get you to smoke, it is that person you dislike, trying to get the better of you.

It also helps to congratulate yourself each time that you recognise and defeat this ‘voice’. Put a piece of paper on a convenient wall and a little tick on it each time you win a battle with this ‘voice’. You will then be able to see just how often it raises its ugly head. This little ‘voice’ can become easy to defeat with practice, once, that is, you become aware of it, and are determined not to let it sucker you into smoking.

You have now reached a point of understanding where you are nearly ready to begin this whole battle process with your unconscious.

You have become aware of the fact that you are a nicotine addict and that not feeding your addiction causes you discomfort.

You have learned that your unconscious will try all sorts of tricks in order to get you to ease this discomfort by smoking. These tricks include feeding your conscious mind excuses and getting you to focus on your pain in order that you come to believe that it is more intense than it
actually is.

You have learned how to tell the difference between your conscious and unconscious ‘voices’ and how to analyse your pain in order to put it into perspective.

You have also learned that heavy withdrawal never lasts more than a few minutes at a time and

you now know that these rough patches always pass. If you happen to be particularly sensitive to discomfort, then you now know that you can live ‘one day at a time’ or even one hour at
a time if needs be. You are also aware that there is never any valid reason for smoking again and that there are going to be times when you are particularly vulnerable.

All you need to do now is to set up a suitable support structure and you will be ready to begin stopping.